Decsions, Decsions, Decsions.

So this post I'm going to try to be as personal as I can without telling much details.

From the second I started college I told myself that being away at school wasn't for me and that I was ready to transfer. For the first month and a half, I hated it. I was always going home on the weekends. I stayed inside my room most of the time. I didn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I just wanted out. I just wasn't use to having so much independence and freedom. But I feel like this is something that most people deal with, those first couple weeks if your not use to then it going to take more time for you to adjust. The longest I was ever away from my family was my freshmen year of High School when we did a 3 day camping trip. So all of this was extremely different for me.

But time went on. I made friends. I went home less. I left my room to the point people forgot which one was mine. I felt happy. It was the happiest I had been in a very long time. 

Then came summer break. To a certain extent I think everybody is messed up in their own way, but some how, some way this summer just destroyed me. Between the things that everyone else around me were saying to the things that I was dealing with within myself, I was lost. I was lost and confused and because of this my judgement was clouded. I stopped making decisions for myself. I instead made choices to make other people shut up and to make other people happy. And it became so bad that I fell into what i'd call "a funk". I had experienced this moment before, every so often but this one was the worst its been because I'm not too sure if I ever came out of it. Which is what brought this blog along. Something to help me coupe by getting my mind off of all my troubles and worries and to something else that I enjoyed.

Time was winding down and I had yet to make a decision. People in my family thought it would be best to transfer. Some just wanted me to be happy. And others just didn't care. And somehow I managed to make myself think that the majority was right. That I did need change. I would be happier else where. So I made hasty decision without talking it out. Finding out why. If this was something I really wanted to do. I made a decision that I wanted to transfer. In the middle of July. And I thought it was the right thing. I might be struggling with it now but i'll benefit from it later. And I went through with the process, trying to get it done as quickly as possible so I wouldn't fall behind. But I was going to be behind regardless. Transferring is an annoying process especially if you did crap your first semester like me. Or class that were important for you major at your original school don't transfer over to the new one. All of these things were things that I should have taken into consideration but didn't. 

It wasn't until recently that I couldn't handle it all and decided to talk to my friend and my mom about what would be best for me and what I should do. That's when, between the two different conversations, I came up with the idea to take a semester off, work on myself because it obvious I have some un-resolved issues I need to work through, continue with the blog, it may seem like a little side project but it's something that has gotten me through the summer and is something I really enjoy and get a job because I don't to just sit around for the next 4 months doing nothing. I think that doing that makes it a lot harder for you to go back and you end up going crazy falling into this kind of routine. And for spring semester go back to what I know, what I was comfortable with, and where I was happy.

I'm now in a place where I feel okay with the decision I have made. I'm a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason and there's a reason I came to this decision, just right now in this moment I don't know why. And obviously there are going to be people who are going to judge me, most will be family and others will know absolutely nothing but at the end of the day it's the choice that I have made and it's a choice I'm going to stand by.

-JustANewYorkGirl